Important safety tips
Thought I would post these rules in case anyone is unclear (these aren't brand new, but I haven't seem them in a while) --
The Guys' Rules
We always hear "the rules " from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem -- See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
-- Update: Check out the reply from "your potential girlfriend" on this post. Just as clever though a tad harsh. I hope she doesn't think I really think this way (and need I mention I didn't write this originally? I just thought it was humorous).
posted by Roger C. @ 3/23/2006 01:50:00 PM
7 Comments:
good one
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
Neither are women.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
So courtesy, chivalry and consideration are foreign to you?
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
I'll give you that one.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Who ever said it was? But it can be rather cathartic when one is stuck in a relationship with a lout.
1. Crying is blackmail.
No, it's not. But it's nice to know that I'm expected to repress my emotions around you.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
If you've been in a long-term relationship with a woman, and you have no idea how she ticks, you either haven't been paying attention, or you don't care. Either way, it's sad.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
I'll try to remember not to confuse you with details.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
You have two shoulders, and neither is available to cry on? What kind of partner are you?
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem -- See a doctor.
The doctor might suggest removing the cause of those headaches. Start packing.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
Great. Now responsibility and accountability have an expiration date. Explains a lot about our current administration.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Okay. Fair is fair. We'll stop looking at the soap opera guys when you stop looking at the Victoria's Secret girls.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
It's called fishing for a compliment. And you wonder why you don't get some as often as you used to.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Nice. Thoughtlessness in the form of comedy.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
"How to pursue a no-fault divorce..."
1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
...because TV is more important than me, right?
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
If I remember correctly, Columbus was headed for India.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
How very sad for you.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
And if it bleeds, we will leave the evidence in the wastebasket. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Thoughtlessness in the form of laziness.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
This works both ways, Bud.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.
At least one of us should look like we didn't just roll out of bed.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
...because men have a total of 4 brain cells, and 3 are devoted to Mr. Willy.
1. You have enough clothes.
You have enough cable channels.
1. You have too many shoes.
You have too many tools.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
I'll remember that the next time you expect me to put on that thing from Victoria's Secret.
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Why is it that we're married again?
Brilliant retort! Extremely well done. A standing ovation from an admirer. Now, if only I knew who you really were...
Sadly, the woman's response is actually from a 52 year old man in prison.
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Have you noticed that our rules are logically and calmly stated while the woman's responses are snippy, snarky and--yes--bitchy?
(For a 52 year man, he manages to hit the tone just right.)
Crap. I guess with the magic of the Internet, you have take the good with the bad.
So long potential dream girl.
Me thinks this is the type of person who laughs when the women's version of this rolls around, but gets pissed when reading the men's version. 2.5/10
Potential,
THEY WERE JOKES! GET OVER IT!!!
You never were my potential girlfriend...
kour'te moje ptaku...
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