Dateline - the last six months...

Dear Readers,

I know it has been a while, and for the faithful few who have stuck around, periodically checking out my blog for anything new, I apologize. I don't have a good reason why it's been so long so I won't bother trying to bullshit you. I give you my updates now because I owe it to you and to me.

November 14, 2008 – "You owe me a new truck asshole!"

This is the happiest day of my life! I cannot believe after 43 years of non-self induced bachelorhood I am getting married. I know in my heart she is the woman of my dreams. But, being a guy who never really had much success with women, I still hear Ferris talking about his buddy and wondering if this is me:

"Cameron has never been in love. At least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."

No, I know it isn't me. Kelli is truly everything I never knew I always wanted and as she walked towards me down the aisle I had no doubts.

We drove up to Lake Tahoe on a cool Friday morning, the sun shining with not a cloud in sight. If I was to believe in omens, I might have been concerned that while we were filling up the gas tank before we left, I managed to spill my uber-giant adult sippy cup filled with Diet Coke right onto my right shoe, soaking it and my sock. But I was getting married and nothing was going to spoil my day.

If I was to believe in omens, I might have been concerned that the wedding chapel's jukebox was unable to play the CD I made with the music for the ceremony. I might have further been concerned that though I had the foresight to also bring my MP3 player with the songs on it and a connector cable the chapel had nothing to plug it into. But I had brought my laptop out of habit and my brother made a very good impromptu DJ using Windows Media Player. I was getting married and nothing was going to spoil my day.

The chapel was small, but we filled it with our friends and family who drove up to celebrate with us. We were treated to an amazing dinner by my parents and were surprised with an elegant cake by our friends Gary and Cassie. We both were on top of the world.

If I was to believe in omens, I might have been concerned with my wife's morning... err month sickness flaring its ugly head at the restaurant. But I was married and nothing was going to spoil our day.

The rest of the evening was a great success, and Kelli and I were truly happy. As we started to drift off to sleep around 12:30am, I got a call which almost spoiled our day.

My brother and his wife, along with Gary and Cassie, had decided not to stay in Tahoe and were driving back to Sacramento; Gary and Cassie in their truck following Stuart and Tammie in theirs. After stopping to switch drivers, Stuart and Tammie had a small head start on my friends as they got back on the road. That's when Stuart emphatically said to Tammie "Dear."

Actually, the word was "Deer" and it was in their path. In swerving to avoid it, Tammie over-corrected and they went off the road and down a 70 ft. embankment, the Dodge Durango ending up on the Passenger side. Gary and Cassie drove by without even seeing them. Stuart managed to scramble back up the hill and flag down a motorist for assistance. Gary and Cassie were called and they were amazing in their position as liaison to keep everyone informed. Tammie took the worst of it, including several broken bones and a bruised heart. Stuart suffered a bunch of bruises and a screwed up shoulder. Around 2am we received word that everyone was where they needed to be and nothing more could be done, so Kelli and finally went to sleep. I was awakened at 7:30am by a phone call from my brother, his first words being "You owe a new truck asshole."

I am happy to report Stuart and Tammie are both fine. Tammie's ankle is still in a boot, but they are healthy.

But I don't believe in omens and it was an amazing day!

November 15, 2008 – Our wedding reception "What the hell happened to you?"

When dealing with a wedding and/or reception, it takes a pretty catastrophic event to muck up the works, and my brother and his wife driving over a cliff didn't qualify, so the planned reception back in Sacramento at my Parents' house was held. Friends and family gathered to congratulate us and give us cool stuff. My brother, who was not admitted to the hospital and was convalescing at my Parents' house, was sitting in a recliner, legs up and zoned out on pain meds. The order of the afternoon was "Hi! Roger and Kelli, congratulations! I am so happy for... What the hell happened to you?" My poor brother told the story repeatedly. I am not sure, but by the last telling the Durango flipped 27 times, the hand of God caught the mangled truck in mid-air and dropped it unceremoniously on it side, wild boars frantically tried to get at Tammie in the mangled truck while Stuart climbed the hill for help, himself being chased by Aboriginal cannibals.

It's all in the presentation.

November 27th, 2008 - Our first Thanksgiving

Newly moved into my palatial 2-bedroom duplex, my wife, daughter and I were settling into life as a family. On Thanksgiving day we went to my sister's house for – wait for it – Turducken.

For the uninformed, my brother-in-law is a gourmet chef, and he pulled out all the stops on a dinner that truly magical and heavenly. I swear I could hear angels singing as I was eating.

My wife, ever the traditionalist, was still set however on cooking her own turkey dinner for her family. So on Friday she got up and started preparing a 20lb. turkey... for the three of us. Yes, that would be 3.5+ lbs. of meat for each us. To my wife's delightful glee I had bought her a nice roasting pan for the turkey, complete with two large tines for removing the bird when done. Diligently and lovingly she slaved in the kitchen, preparing the stuffing and bird. Imagine her surprise when she went to place it in the oven only to learn the damn pan wouldn't fit. That's right, the pan is about ¾" too wide. Fortunately (and for the sake of all life within a mile radius who would've been killed out of rage and frustration) the "Dollar Store" around the corner was open, and 2 tinfoil pans later the bird was in the oven. It also was a great meal, and I think over the two day span I gained 19 pounds. But the fun part of this story is the aftermath.

Completely sated, the leftover bird and stuffing was placed in containers and stored for many glorious leftovers, leaving only the tinfoil pan with about a 3 pounds of stuffing, turkey scraps, and au jous. Kelli mixed in 3 cups of dog kibble along with some mashed potatoes and gravy and placed it on the floor of the garage for doggy dinner time. I swear each dog spent the rest of the evening asleep in the living room with distended bellies and doggy grins.

Christmas time, 2008

For years television and movies have garned much success poking fun at the cravings of pregnant women. I, the uninformed bachelor would laugh in disbelief at the prospect of ice cream and pickles. But then I became a married man with a pregnant wife. Holy Shit, these cravings are real.!

On one particular Sunday afternoon I was tasked to make my wife a sandwich. A peanut butter and tortilla chip sandwich. But not just an ordinary peanut butter and tortilla chip sandwich, this had to be made to the following specifications:

1. Get 1 piece of bread.
2. Spread a moderate (not too thin, not to thick) amount of peanut butter evenly over one surface.
3. From the bag of Restaurant Style Tortilla Chips, remove 1 symmetrically round chip.
4. Crumble the chip and spread evenly over the left hand side of the chip.
5. Fold the right side over the left, making sure to evenly align the creases in the bread.
6. Eat.

It's important to note that if these steps were not followed exactly, somehow the sandwich would not taste right. Don't get me started on the peanut butter and cheese sandwich... yeah, I didn't get that one either.

January 16, 2009

It had been a very scary time for Kelli and I. From December 26th on, Kelli had been bleeding and had been on bed rest on the doctor's orders. We had a couple of scares, but each time an ultrasound had shown our son developing and growing. On this day we were scheduled to have an amniocentesis, which requires an ultrasound. It was at this appointment we learned that Brady Michael Clark had passed away. He was loved by his family, and his memory will live with us forever.

February 14th, 2009 - Valentine's Day

I know it's hard to believe for you, my faithful readers, but I have never in my 43 years had a date for Vday. I know -- completely outrgeous, but it's true. The few relationships I have had over the years never managed to be "happening" on February 14th. One year even, a girl I had just started to see had her best friend cancel our Valentine's date. Yeah, this is one holiday which pretty much sucks for me.

On February 8, 2008 I received an email from Kelli, in which she stated the following:

"I don't want a boyfriend right now Roger. It seems to just get me into trouble when I have one. So this time, I'm just going to lay low, heal myself and then move forward...."

Truly amazing how much things can change in one year. I was determined to give my wife the Valentine's Date she deserved. I bought her a dress, a velvet heart box full of Sherri's Berries™ chocolate covered strawberries, and treated her to dinner at a 4 star restaurant complete with a visit to Rick's Dessert Diner, all while our daughter stayed the night with my parents. It was elegant, romantic, and truly one of the best nights of my life.

The top 5 nights of my life (in no particular order):

• The night I met my wife in person
• The evening I graduated high school - what a party.
• My wedding night (up until around midnight -
  still working on the whole "truck financing" thing)
• Valentine's Day 2009
• The night of my first kiss - thanks Cindy!

April 9, 2009

One year ago today at around 10pm I met my wife for the first time in person. I remember when she opened the door my heart actually skipped a beat. She will tell you I was trembling when I hugged her, but that's just not possible. I mean I'm a guy... we don't tremble.

On this evening I took my wife out to dinner at "our spot." A lots of traded smiles, conversation, and a fully belly later, it was time to leave. It was raining as we left, and in the same parking lot as the restaurant a carnival was setup. It was empty except for the "Carneys" huddled in their coats in their game booths, trying to stay dry. As we drive by my wife sees it.

Now you have to understand, Kelli has an almost unhealthy obsession with the color Pink. In fact, I have said on many occasions that when she sees something pink, her brain processes the object in the following manner:

It's Pink.
What is it?
Do I need it?

So, she turns to me and with puppy dog eyes says "Rogee, I need it!"

One look at her and I knew there was only one option. So I turned the truck around and parked. I walked over to the game booth in the rain (please note my wife stayed warm and dry in the truck during this entire exchange) and asked the Carney what was needed for me to win it. He told me and I proceeded to win it. I went back to the truck with my wife's prize as she clapped with glee. I present to you now Dolly the Dolphin.



April 13, 2009

I close this update with a picture of my daughter Josie. We went to the park down the street from my house and had an impromptu photoshoot. Here's my favorite.



To those who managed to read thru to the end of this self-indulgent piece, I thank you for your tenacity and patience. I hope this finds you all happy, healthy, and smiling.