Wednesday...

It's been a unusually busy work week. For some reason people apparently took the 4 day holiday weekend to forget how to use their computers.

For the job I am doing now, "busy" is a relative term. I can't really complain. Between phone calls (for the uninitiated I work the Help Desk for a Fortune 500 company) I have to listen to the early twenty-something employees either flirting with each other or chatting about topics of such significance as the upcoming Eminem concert. I guess there are times when I do get to feel my age.

The Christmas show got a really fair review by the Sacramento Bee. There are approximately 478 performances in the next four weeks, but tickets are selling fast, so those of you interested need to get moving on your ticket reservations.

Looking out the window right now shows a bleak, cloudy day – all the colors are muted and dull. The fact that it isn't raining provides little solace. Maybe a home cooked meal at my Parents' house will be the cure for this midweek doldrum.

The Sacramento Kings are at .500!!! In other news, the Washington Redskins are sucking.

In other news, Joshua Goldworthy is friendless.

A request

I have moved my blog to another portion of my webspace. If any of the links don't work, let me know. Thanks.

More from the "get a clue" files...

Just came across this commercial, an ad for lingerie by Australian Pop Star and sometimes actress Kylie Minogue. I thought it was clever and funny (as well as sexy). This commercial has actually been banned. Tell that to Victoria's Secret and the Carl's Jr. people. (The file requires QuickTime)

Amazing...

Once in a while a woman comes along who you know if you saw in person she would literally take your breath away. Meet Jenn Sterger, a student at FSU. I stumbled across her pictures yesterday, and am stunned. Enjoy! I only wish they were bigger. Ms. Sterger, on the completely off chance you ever read this, thank you for sharing!

The Music

...is as important as the food. To kick off the season, my favorite recording of my favorite holiday song – Kostia performing Carol of the Bells.

A little over a day

...until Turkey Day. The holiday season is here. As I get older... excuse me, youth impaired, the holidays are becoming more of a mixed bag of blessings and angst.

It has been just a couple of weeks since I lost a dear member of my family, and some of the angst can be attributed to this. Unfortunately, I lost 3 grandparents within 2 years of each other, all within the same several weeks in October and early November. They were the anchors of my extended family, and their presence is greatly missed. It will be some time before the food tastes quite as good on this holiday, and there are some things I fear I will never see their like again. This is most vividly expressed in my Grandmother Carroll's chocolate cream pie.

My mother is definitely no slouch in the kitchen, and her chocolate chip cookies have been my true kryptonite since I was a kid. They are simply the best in the world (bring it on, all challengers). She is great at all things culinary (except for a brief period in the 70's when she made this "tuna roll - log - thing" which I felt would have been better served... well, never) and she can make a feast with the best of them. But even using my Grandmother's recipe she can't duplicate that chocolate cream pie. However, I will continue to challenge her.

The rest of my angst is pretty easy to explain. You see, I have never been in a romantic relationship during any major holiday. I have never had the pleasure of spoiling my girl with the well thought out Valentine's or Christmas present. I continue to be optimistic (trying hard to be anyway), so let me just say I have a lot of years worth of ideas waiting to be unleashed. As close as my family is, this time of the year is pretty lonely for me, and more so each passing year.

The blessings? Each one has a name. They are my family and friends, the people who have allowed me to share in their joys and pains, and even burdened some of mine. I look at these people and know there is good in the world and there are things worth fighting for. To those I don't get to see as much as I would like, know you are part of what makes me who I am. In one way or another, thru a dirty joke, a familial smile, or a stupid fight, you all have in some way altered who I am, and the resulting product is here because of you. You may now all weep inconsolably over this fact.

To those who read this - family, friends, and friends I haven't yet met - remember those around you. Give them a hug and tell them how important they are to you. You are only assured of this moment, all the rest are "spec".

To celebrate the beginning of holiday spirit, I give you an idea of what I would love to find underneath the tree this year. Her name is Kelli Garner. Remember, this is just spec. Feel free to use your imagination.

It's early...

It's going to be one of those days. It's only 3am, but I just rolled out of bed, wide awake, on a Saturday with no place to be. Not a big deal, as me and 3am are not strangers, but it usually is the END of my day which finds me here and not the beginning. I figure I will spend a lot of time dozing on and off while on the couch.

Now my Dad and Brother are both morning people who get up at 4:30 or 5:00 every morning, whether they need to or not. Voluntarily. In my opinion, that just isn't right. Anyone who knows me knows that before 10am, the best greeting I can usually manufacture is not even "Good Morning," but simply a gutteral "Mornin'".

Now for something completely different:

Last night was the final dress rehearsal for my latest endeavor, A Garbeau's Christmas. I, as most people do, love this time of year and am a huge fan of holiday cheer, especially the music. Over the years I have amassed a collection of holiday music I am really proud of, close to 20 hours worth. What I like about my collection is that it isn't the usual collection of old school Perry Como and Bing Crosby standards, but rather a contemporary mix of instrumental and vocal selections which put a new twist on the classics. From Mannheim Steamroller to David Arkenstone, the music is challenging yet familiar. If you aren't sure what I am talking about, listen to this:

Just sitting here thinking...

Sylvia Johnson, a 41 year old Colorado woman, has just been sentenced to 30 years in prison for having sex with her son's friends and providing them with booze and drugs. She said she wanted to be "the Cool Mom"...

Debra LaFave, former model turned school teacher, is set to stand trial next month from allegations she had sex with a 14 year old student.

There are other cases, but I am sitting here wondering... where were ladies like this when I was in school? Geez! This goes back to my whole "timing" thing.

On a lighter note, I present this week's hottie – a great picture of Ashlee Simpson. Though not a fan of her music (and she is only "passable" as an actress in my opinion), she is undeniably beautiful.

Red Alert!!!

This just in (from the just catching up guy):

The NBA instituted a dress code this year, which in summation says players must wear business casual attire or better when on team business (arriving for the game, sitting in the stands, public appearances, etc.). I am all for this, as the NBA is a business and is simply trying to maintain its professional image. Now, I was just reading some player responses to this, and came across this one:

“I don’t see it happening unless every NBA player is given a stipend to buy clothes.” -Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, 10/19/05)

Stipend? Are you frickin' kidding me? The average NBA salary is $3.7 million, and Marcus Camby is scheduled to make more than $8.5 million this year. I just did a little research – per Forbes, the most expensive off-the-rack suit for 2005 is $6000. Now, if Mr. "dress to impress" Camby were to buy a new one for every game (82), that comes out to $492,000 (+ tax). Um, that's only 6% of his salary! All the league is asking of its players (employees, it should be noted) is not to wear t-shirts, baseball caps and tennis shoes -- for crying out loud they are even allowing dress jeans!! I swear to GOD the next time professional athletes go on strike over salary disputes the associated league should be locked out for a whole season, and all the players' salaries scheduled for the year donated to charity.

My apologies to the vast majority of professional athletes who do not share such selfish and egotistical ideologies. I am a sports fan, and love to watch you guys play. But please remember first and always you are getting paid to play a game. And it's not even a year round job (I am not counting the physical training). Next time you want to complain, swap salaries with a school teacher.

OK, my blood pressure is now back to normal.

Always appear to be a step behind...

Hey, did you hear about that new show Family Ties? I hear that the guy playing the oldest son is supposed to be a real funny actor.

Though not quite that bad, the past 5-7 years of my life appear to be working just like that. It took me a long portion of my adult life to find what I was really good at, and just when I hit my full stride, on top of my game, the computer training industry takes a nosedive, leaving me hanging in mid-air like Wile E. Coyote after running off a cliff.

My colleagues seemed to get the message before I did. How did I miss the signs? Actually, I think most of them got bored and fortunately for them went their separate ways before the end, whereas I truly loved teaching. I still get the occasional teaching gig, but its not what it was. That truly sucks.

So, professionally speaking, what do I have to show for it? The past 3 years I have been flitting from job to job as a contractor, working help desk or tech support or even some training. I am a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer (MCSE); a Microsoft Certified Trainer (MCT); Comptia computer hardware and network certified (A+ N+); can teach most over the counter computer products from basics to advanced levels (and the ones I don't know I can learn in record time and teach from basic to advanced levels); have over 10 years experience as a teacher, network administrator, and computer technician; but can't seem to land a permanent, full time job with benefits. Can someone explain this logic to me?

People can be masters of self-delusion, but most deep down really know the truth. If I was a screw-up -- incompetent, unpersonable, unqualified -- I would know it. Hell, I have been those things in the past. But not with this field. I have consistently received rave reviews from Superiors, Co-Workers, and Students. I am affable (just wanted to thru in a big word) and generally well liked (except romantically by women which is a whole other story I am not going to wallow in right now). I am willing to learn and am a hard worker. Ultimately, it is pretty simple -- right now, timing-wise, there just isn't a fit for me.

So, all you business professionals out there who are looking for a truly qualified computer nerd to help your business, email me. The rest of you -- pray for me.

To all you single women looking for boyfriend or husband material of the finest caliber -- call me.

UPDATE...

The post dated November 6 which I attributed to George Carlin is in fact not his work. Thanks to Jason Bortz for correcting me. For more, check out http://www.snopes.com/katrina/soapbox/carlin.asp

Sorry, I want to maintain the integrity of my blog and its musings.

Some much needed levity:

I read this and laughed. I aspire to this level of creativity –

George Carlin on New Orleans

"Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, 'Sorry for your loss.' With that said, Let's go through a few hurricane rules (unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming):

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that...Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the Government's fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store has been looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See #2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff...it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (It's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them.)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless of what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, the US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; neither did Russia as a way to destroy America. The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (we've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonald's and Wal-Mart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President Kennedy said it best..."Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

The preceding opinion is that of its creator and does not necessarily reflect the views of this blog owner and creator. It is intended for humorous purposes only.

November 2, 2005

As an independent, free thinking American male, I am not one who really likes to take orders. Face it, no one really does. Your first split-second reaction is to automatically reject the notion, regardless of its wisdom, simply because it comes from someone telling you what to do. My parents can attest to this: More than a few of their wrinkles – excuse me, character lines – can be directly attributed to the very nature of this rebellion. But as far back as I can remember, she was the one whose orders I never even thought about questioning. It wasn't the fear of retribution from my father or anyone else (well, OK, maybe a little bit of fear), it was simply because it was her.

But here's the thing – you never thought of it as an order. It was more like a request you felt overwhelmingly compelled to grant. In my world she wasn't a dominating force, but there was no mistaking her influence on those around her. Her four kids, sixteen grandkids, and a battalion of spouses and great grandchildren all are better people for having known her. She was the Matriarch who had it all under control, no matter how chaotic the situation, and managed with impeccable poise and grace.

As much as I loved and respected her, for me her identity was intrinsically linked to her husband. What I mean by this is you didn't think of one without the other. I never visited "Grandma's House", I visited "My Grandparents' House". Grandpa was the one who did his very best to spoil you, and you never entered his house without the famous words "Boy, you look hungry. Let me get you something to eat." He didn't like to say "No" to his grandchildren. But for every "Yes" that came out of his mouth, there was the inevitable "Grandpa!" or "Dad!" or "Clyde!" which followed. She was The Regulator. She made sure he knew just how much us kids were being spoiled, and she had no compunction about letting you know where you stood.

I have made the statement (and stand by it) that the women in the Clark Family have no sense of humor. I am not saying they are incapable of laughter, but more often than not things that make the Clark men howl with tears streaming down our faces are usually met with "That was stupid" by those with the Y chromosome deficiency. I will never be sure, but I think she started this and passed it on to the other Clark women either thru genetics or by the ritualistic brainwashing of new Clark women inductees. If I ever said something I thought was funny to any of my other grandparents, at the very least I could expect a smile and condescending chuckle. She was the exception. She would maintain the party line – "That was stupid." If it wasn't funny to her she told you so. But as with everything else about her, you didn't question, you simply accepted; and this was just another in the long list of reasons why you loved her.

I am blessed with a large, close knit family. We don't always get along and we don't see each other as much as we probably should, but there is no mistaking the love we share. In a world where broken homes, abuse, neglect, and violence are right outside our door, the Clarks have thrived and prospered because two people made sure the principles and tenets of Love were shared and passed on. My hope is we take every opportunity to pass these principles on to the youngest generation of Clarks, as I can think of no better tribute to the memory of Clyde and Frances Clark.

Today she is again with her husband, the way it was always meant to be.