Sorry guys...

I haven't been paying as much attention to my blog as I would've liked the past couple of weeks. Honestly though, I haven't been that inspired either positively or negatively to write anything. What sucks is I want to write. I always enjoy turning the clever phrase or eloquently stating my position, and I enjoy even more any debates I can spark -- granted they don't go against my own untenable beliefs.

So keep reading... something new will pop up --

I think it's very common

when one is alone to contemplate one's place. When you have been single as long as I have, I think this starts to increase exponentially. "What do my friends think or say about me when I am not around?" "Do they really even give me any thought?" "How far would one of them go to help me out?"

Let's be clear: I am not writing a thinly veiled plea for recognition and acceptance. I am simply pondering. I know a lot of people, and am generally considered a likable guy. I don't have problems talking to people and I do a pretty good job at making people laugh. When I am involved in a play or other production, I am surrounded with people who, as far as I can tell, are accepting of my company and invite me to the cast parties and other "get togethers". But when the show wraps, the number of people who call simply to hang out drops significantly, back to a small circle of close friends.

Now I am very lucky. I do have not one or two, but a handful of people I call friends. I have stated before that once I claim someone as my friend there isn't much I wouldn't do for them, and I have tried to live up to that. I honestly believe those that fall into this category know this and to those people I am grateful you let me into your lives. It is also true I have seen many of them demonstrate that same sense of reciprocity and I am again grateful.

So what's the problem? Is there a problem? I have it better than a lot of people, so why do I seem bothered it isn't enough?

I had the fortunate opportunity to be in a relationship for a while last year, and though it didn't stick I am very thankful for the time I spent with her and the love she showed towards me. It was an affirmation on a level I can't get from one of my other guy or girl friends, an affirmation that there is something lovable here. Cool. This gives me hope that I am doing some things right. Yeah.

As to the other, it is sort of sad that those who are (for lack of a better word) "fringe friends" don't call once in a while just to chat or hang out. It is true I could call or email them, and yes, I am sure I would get some results. But then the follow up question nags - "Would they ever have called me if I didn't initiate first contact?" I know people who I would really like to think of as friends, but I am pretty sure I fall off their radar - the out of sight, out of mind syndrome - when I don't seem them for a short period of time. There is a small comfort in the knowledge that others experience this as well. But like I said, it is sort of sad.

One final thought: If your perception of your relationship with those who fall into the "fringe friends" category is skewed differently from their perception, would you like to know? If you think "Mort and Susan like me," would you want to know if they can spend twenty minutes talking to each other about how annoying you really are? Personally, I would like to know. One of my "mantras" has always been if you have a problem with me, tell me and give me the chance to fix it. I grew up as this scrawny kid who moved around a lot and always struggled to fit in. To this day I don't want people to not like me or have a problem with me and not tell me so. What useful purpose does this serve? If I know there is something I do that bothers or annoys someone then I have the conscious choice to either resolve the issue or cut that person out of my life. Is it easier to "tolerate" someone who in their mind is your friend than to sit them down and tell them why you really don't want to hang out?

More importantly - is that nagging sense of being outside while those inside mock you just paranoia or conversely a deep seated self-delusion that keeps you from seeing their obvious lack of desire to be around you?

There is a sense of callousness there that I admit even I would be hard pressed to execute, so it isn't terribly shocking we don't always know what others think about us. In fact, sitcom writers have played on that formula to great (and not so great) success since "I Love Lucy". I think this whole diatribe can be summed up with a quote from one of my favorite movies: "May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping."

I'm having a hard time...

keeping certain things in perspective. We live in a time where if a white person makes a joke about a person of color it's automatically racism, yet if you watch any stand up comedy, famous comedians from different ethnic backgrounds or sexual preference base a large majority of their routines making fun of white people, and this is considered socially acceptable and not worth censoring or chastising. I can cite samples of this, but it's not necessary.

I don't pretend to understand what it's like growing up as a minority in this country, as I am about as mainstream majority as they come. Middle class white America, that's me. But trust me when I say I have found myself the butt of jokes for a large majority of my life. When I was a kid, I was incredibly small, skinny, awkward, and generally too smart for my peers, so I was the punching bag (both boys and girls). Now, I am a big guy - let's face it overly big, so the ridicule comes from the other end of the spectrum. But I simply developed a thick skin. I get humor. I don't think the majority of people tell jokes to put someone down, but simply because they want to make someone laugh. So for me, jokes are jokes are jokes. I like to laugh, and I get humor.

Enter the article found today on CNN.com which reports how Masterfoods, USA is pulling their newest Snickers commercial after a blow up by gay rights activists. The commercial features two mechanics who inadvertently end up kissing while eating a Snickers candy bar (they start at each end, a'la Lady and the Tramp and the spaghetti noodle). To recover their wits, one exclaims to the other to "do something manly"... It was one of the funniest commercials of the day, but the activists protested saying it promoted violence against the gay community.

Right.

I don't remember any furor over the first time this scene was played - in "Planes,Trains, and Automobiles".

Look, I truly understand and empathize with minority groups who have to fight for an equal place in our society, and I would never try to squash that drive. However, there is a difference between striving and paranoia. The commercial was funny. Just like the Bud Light commercial with the rock, paper, scissors. Should I complain that THAT commercial promotes violence at the backyard barbecue? Why not? There was actually a white dude smashing another guy in the face over a beer!

The politically correct among you can now speak out.