I must have "sucker" stamped on my profile...

So, being single I have been known to setup profiles on a couple of Internet Dating Services over the years. Recently I joined via a 10-day trial of one I hadn't been on before. Of course I get hits on my profile just as the trial is about to expire, but one lady actually gave me a "real" email address and wanted me to contact her. I replied to the email in a very cordial manner and she responded wanting to know a little about me, and hinting that her and I might be made for each other, and that I "have no idea what kind of pain she is in". I gave her some VERY GENERAL information and asked her what was wrong (my Spidey sense tingling like crazy). Here's her response (unedited for your enjoyment) -

Hello thanks for contacting with me and showing some
intrest
in me.when i
went through ur profile i really liked it and found
both of us %99
compatible,the only %1 missing is that right now am
not
home,am stucked up in
africa and i need help to get back home.if you can
give
us a try and
help me back home am sure we can make something work
outa this.
After the death of my parent i met a guy called Segun
in florida though
he's from nigeria in africa, he came for a degree in
the state when.i
fell inlove with him and latter when he returned to
his
country he
invited me over to come and meet his family so i
gathered some money and
got myself a round trip ticket,when i got down here he
turned out to be a
robber he stole my money and jewelries now the hotel
am
staying siezed
my return ticket and passport cuz i cant afford to pay
up
the bills am
owing the hotel and i have no one to help me out, of
this mess i got
myself into want u to plz help me get back home.reply
back asap and let
me know what you really have to say


Her Pic (as posted on the site)

I am tempted to try to setup a "sting", but I have to make myself stop laughing first. Don't worry, were I to go forward with a sting, I would contact law enforcement.

So what do you think - should I send her a cashier's check?

Today's chuckle...

Thanks to Cheryl (again, an unlikely source for humor). I read this before, and damn if it isn't true.

9 Words Women Use

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8 . Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying FORGET YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself.. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

I found this pretty cool...

Thanks Jen.

This bridge is on the Old Donner Pass Highway (CA). It has spectacular Sierra Views and views of Donner Lake and Donner Pass on Route 80. A bear was walking across Rainbow Bridge (Old Hwy 40 at Donner Summit, Truckee) on Saturday when two cars also crossing the bridge scared the bear into jumping over the edge of the bridge. Somehow the bear caught the ledge and was able to pull itself to safety. Authorities decided that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so they returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on the ledge. After securing a net under the bridge the bear was tranquilized, fell into the net, lowered, then woke up and walked out of the net.

I need opinions...

My new dishes - was this too typical of a "guy" choice? Not that I really care cuz' I like 'em.

News from the canine world - September 24

I guess I pissed off the big guy last night. Maybe now he'll learn. So here's my side of the story (in case he loses it and this is my last entry):

The past week or so the big guy has been coming home late and hasn't been walking me very much. Then last night after he got home, all he was able to manage for me was about 15 minutes of sprints in the front yard (me, not him). So I decided to make a point. In hindsight (pun intended - you'll see what I mean) it might not have been my brightest moment. When he was watching TV with his friends, I - wait for it - peed on his bed. Yep, right on the comforter.

He yelled when he found it, and I acted appropriately remorseful. I don't think he poisoned my food this morning, but I can't be sure.

If I post again, you'll know he forgave me. If not - Brutus, I enjoyed playing with you.

Today's chuckle...

Thanks once again to Kristin (she's the only one sending me jokes right now).

9 Things I Hate About Everyone


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!


5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.


6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?


Here's the gal who has been providing the laughs...

I don't know which is more unsettling...

The fact that the following is so simple, or that the anonymous narrator/demonstrator appears to be about 15.

How To Pick A Combo Lock - Watch more free videos

Budweiser...

sponsors a car on the NASCAR circuit? Yeah, that makes sense. Isn't that like PetSmart sponsoring a line of fur clothing? Or Greenpeace putting their logo on a whaling ship?

Shows you how much interest I hold in the "sport", as I just found out about this.

Irony - not just for getting out the wrinkles anymore.

Now this is depressing...

I was reading the headlines and came across the story about OJ Simpson being in jail. No, that's not the depressing part. Included in the article is a reference to him being visited by his sister and girlfriend while in jail. Here's the depressing part - as a single guy, I am envious of those in relationships and am still looking for "the one". How is it I can be single yet a murderer/liar/thief manages to get a girlfriend?


Christie Prody, OJ Simpson's girlfriend

I must be WAY off base in what women are really looking for in a man.

Before the I get a deluge of comments, I know that apparently her dominos are missing some spots, but that doesn't change why I feel depressed. It isn't about HER, it's about the whole being single thing.

Today's chuckle...

Kristin strikes again!!!

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The fireman walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed that the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Well said.

Thanks to Izaak for the words.

It's not about forgetting; it's about remembering with honor.

9-11: Lest We Forget.

Because that would be a horrible thing. By God, if we ever stopped being embroiled in hatred and our thirst for revenge, then all the souls of the innocent victims of terror would look down from their lofty places in heaven and curse our names.

In literature, it’s called the Minervan Argument, that the first to die demand the sacrifice of others, since by their deaths they have proven that no price is too high to pay for the cause. The living are compelled to fight on, because to make peace with an enemy who had brought the deaths of their fellows would offend the memory of the dead.

But is it possible to offend the dead? Especially by calling for an end to the violence that took their lives? Perhaps in the great beyond our souls are still the hateful, vengeful things that beat in our chests while we’re alive, but I’d like to think we get better with age, and that the freed souls of man far removed from the savagery and blood thirst of fear are wise and kind. It is not the dead who are offended, but those of us they left behind. And unwilling to shoulder the burden of delivering so much violence, pain, and suffering to our enemies in our own name, we ask the dead to shoulder that burden for us, and in so doing we dishonor our fallen.

It is, perhaps, a tragedy to die, or to lose a loved one. How much more the tragedy to kill in the name of those we loved. There is no fitting garland to the lost of this war but the wreath of peace; no greater honor to their memories.

Lest we forget.

IDS

For those of you who have ever spent any time in a chat room...

Anyone got a baseball bat or six?

6 Arrested in Weeklong Attack on Woman
By Associated Press

LOGAN, W.Va. - A woman was sexually abused, beaten and humiliated while being held captive in a home for at least a week, sheriff's officials said Monday after making six arrests and calling the FBI to investigate it as a possible hate crime.

Those arrested, including a mother and son and a mother and daughter, are white. The victim, a Charleston woman who was being treated at a hospital Monday, is black.

"The things that were done to this woman are just indescribable," Logan County sheriff's Sgt. Sonya Porter said.

Deputies found the 23-year-old victim Saturday after going to the home in Big Creek, about 35 miles southwest of Charleston, to investigate an anonymous tip. One of the suspects, Frankie Brewster, was sitting on the front porch and told deputies she was alone, but moments later the victim limped toward the door, her arms outstretched, saying "help me," the sheriff's department said in a news release.

Besides being sexually assaulted, the victim was stabbed four times in the left leg and beaten, Porter said. Both of her eyes were black and blue. Deputies said the woman's wounds were inflicted at least a week ago.

During her capture, the victim was forced to eat rat and dog feces and drink from the toilet, according to the criminal complaint filed in magistrate court. The woman also was choked with a cable cord and her hair cut, it alleges.

One of those arrested, Karen Burton, is accused of cutting the woman's ankle with a knife. She used the N-word in telling the woman she was victimized because she is black, according to the criminal complaint.

Deputies say the woman was also doused with hot water while being sexually assaulted.

"We have called the feds," Chief Deputy V.K. Dingess with the Logan County Sheriff's Department said Monday. "They may pick this up as a hate crime."

A call seeking comment from the FBI was not immediately returned Monday.

The six suspects were arrested Saturday and Sunday. Deputies were still trying to determine whether the victim knew her assailants and how she came to be at Brewster's home, Porter said.

Frankie Brewster, 49, is charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and giving false information during a felony investigation. Deputies said she was the woman on the porch.

Her son, Bobby R. Brewster, 24, is charged with kidnapping, sexual assault, malicious wounding and assault during the commission of a felony.

Burton, 46, of Chapmanville, is charged with malicious wounding, battery and assault during the commission of a felony.

Her daughter Alisha Burton, 23, of Chapmanville, and George A. Messer, 27, of Chapmanville, are charged with assault during the commission of a felony and battery.

Danny J. Combs, 20, of Harts, is charged with sexual assault and malicious wounding.

All six were held Monday in lieu of $100,000 bond each, and all have asked for court-appointed public defenders.

A couple of weeks ago most everyone was ready to hang Michael Vick by his testicles from the flagpole of the ALPO factory, as I still believe he should be. These six people deserve a fate twice as vicious, with ten times the pain. This is an act of intolerance on a scale equal to or worse than those committed by the Nazis and we hanged a lot of those guilty of masterminding those atrocities. I am completely dumbfounded how, in the 21st Century, there are people who still are unable to grasp the concept of equality. Those still clinging to these archaic and barbaric beliefs - much less passing them on to children - have no place in our society.

Meet Josie...

the daughter of a friend of mine Kelli. This is pretty freakin' funny, even though it was apparently shot in an aviary - the birdsong almost drowns her out.
Josie dissing American Idol

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Just in case you didn't know...

If you ever see text on my blog in Cyan, that is my indication that I didn't write the text and am quoting someone else. I try to make sure I fully credit those I steal from.

Today's chuckle...

Thanks Kelli!

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending
on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is
ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in
his forehead while he is on fire. No further studies are expected....

You mean we're supposed to check the oil when the light comes on?

A student walks into my class this morning and apologizes for being late. "I'm sorry, but as I was pulling in I heard this loud scraping and this fell off my car. Is this bad?"

She holds up a bare piece of metal in the shape of a brake pad.

I told her she might need that.

News from the canine world - September 5

Yesterday we went for our daily walk and ended up at my favorite spot - the little league field where the big guy takes me off the leash and I get to run. So there I was minding my own business, you know, frolicking, when HE decided to look at me.

Now I am very pleasant, I love to play with other dogs, I will play with the big guy for hours (he gets tired long before I do - I haven't figured that one out yet), great with strangers, but for some reason HE just got under my skin! I was just running around when first I smelled him - stopped me in my tracks. Then I saw him. And he just stared. And stared. And stared. Well I had had enough of that! He was quick, but I was quicker. In a flash I had him, flung him in the air, but before I could continue, the big guy interceded. I tell 'ya, that is one lucky gopher!

I walked home a little prouder last night. I showed the entire gopher community it wasn't wise to mess with me.

The big guy said something about a new place to run... Man I hope not - there's still gophers out there who need to be taught a lesson or two.

I KNEW it wasn't just all the pizza...

By Linda Carroll
MSNBC contributor
Sept 4, 2007

Janine Geredes is the kind of person many of us love to hate. No matter how much the Northern California woman eats, she never gets fat.

While the rest of us obsess over every morsel passing through our lips, convinced we’ll pack on the pounds if we let our guard down for just one moment, Geredes worries she’ll become unappealingly bony if she doesn’t eat enough.

“I’ve always had to work to keep weight on,” says Geredes, 43, who is 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighs 118 pounds. “When I was a growing up I was teased for being so thin. But now, people are always saying, ‘I wish I could eat like you. You stay so thin. You must work out a ton.’ I don’t.

“My son and daughter are the same way. I’ve always figured it was genetic.”

As it turns out, Geredes may be right.

Scientists now say they have discovered the “skinny” gene. And they’ve found this lucky batch of DNA in a variety of animals, according to a report published Tuesday in the journal Cell Metabolism.

"This gene is in every organism from worms to humans," says the study’s senior author, Dr. Jonathan Graff, an associate professor of developmental biology and internal medicine at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center. "We all have it. It's very striking."

Graff and his colleagues had been hunting for a gene that might naturally keep people thin. Eventually, they turned up a promising candidate in a gene that controls fat formation... (article continued here).

So BACK OFF - all you weight loss pundits! It's the freakin' genes!*

* - please note previous should be read dripping with sarcasm.

The Secret is out...

and boy do I have a few things to say about it. For those of you who don't know, the latest self-help craze is "The Secret". Most notably for me, I watched Shannon Elizabeth tout its benefits as she was kicking butt in the National Heads Up Poker Championship (she made it to the Quarter Finals). So I decided to watch it.

Based on a 2006 book of the same name, it was over 90 minutes long - about 70 minutes longer than it needed to be. The point, driven home over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again is the Power of Positive Thinking and the Laws of Attraction. It was very cultish, and the only thing I took away from it was that I didn't know or care about any of the presenters or their dribble.

First of all, this whole concept is simply a re-telling of the book "The Power of Positive Thinking" written in 1952. Here's some things to consider:

First, as in all good cons, if you don't see the results you are looking for, the blame is never on the method, it is on the person. As I was watching this torturous nightmare, I noticed there was no empirical evidence presented other than a few "testimonials". Where was the scientific study, the case work, etc. ?

Second, the theory of the "Laws of Attraction." Conceptually, by only focusing on your most intense desires and the emotions that would be created by achieving these desires, the Universe will bend its will to manifest these desires. Yes, simply by believing. Period. No action is required. So if this is true, one could sit in an isolation chamber or sensory deprivation chamber and by simply believing hard enough, their wildest dreams would come true! Seriously, there wasn't anything presented to the contrary of this. Go in a room, make a wish, and when you walk out you will have what you want because the Universe bends its will according to your thoughts and perceptions.

Now I am not saying there aren't people who haven't received benefit from The Secret, but let's at least call it what it is - The Power of Positive Thinking. If you strive to accomplish something and can visualize and emote the end result on a consistent basis, you will - maybe even on a subconscious level - work hard towards that goal thereby drastically increasing your odds of achieving it. It's called "hard work pays off". Beyond that, I believe this philosophy is a blue track suit and pudding away from the Heaven's Gate cult.